I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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