The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
