Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
