1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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