I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
