The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
