Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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