Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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