Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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