I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
