yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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