i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
please come you make the beer taste better
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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