she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
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did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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