Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
