My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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