I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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