What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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