I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
