4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
