I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
