woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
