Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
