So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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