I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
