you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
