You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
