Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
