a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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