i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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