Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
