she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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