Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
