i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
