My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
