i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
