oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
