if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
