Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
