the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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