I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
