we made out on top of his cat.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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