Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
