i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
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I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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