i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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