can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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