Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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