does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
