Are we in a gay sports bar?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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