so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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