good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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