Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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