P.S. I can't hear my feet
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata