She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?