I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night