I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem