I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.