We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
