I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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