I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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