...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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