I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
