i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
