Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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