I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
