I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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