I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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