everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
