Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize