I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize