Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
