Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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