Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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