Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
